Memories

Holding the faded photograph

Of a moment I cannot recall

From a time long ago

Of when I was small.

 

As you clutched her in your arms

My face is turned from view

We all posed for a picture

But everyone looks blue.

 

What was it all about?

And why do we all look so sad?

Were you unhappy about,

The family you could of had?

 

We all had our secrets

Hidden behind our frowned face

But now, for the last time

I must leave this place.

 

It’s funny how

Bad memories are erased by years

And sometimes the mind creates good ones

From a time there were once tears.

 

©Shadow

In chains

My life spinning out of control

Feeling nothing but pain

Giving it all, body and soul

Locked up in these chains.

 

Feeling like I can’t break free

Not wanting to say good-bye

Eyes clouded, I cannot see

Always being high.

 

Living life day by day

Going through the motions

Slowly turning into clay

Engulfed with emotions.

 

Beginning to see the light

Giving me wings to fly

Always feeling in flight

Then taking away the sky.

©Shadow

Skull-picker

I look for skull-picker

Along the traveling way

After sun’s birth

Each and every day.

 

The mysterious blood-starling

Who mourns her own dead

And exchanges information

Nightly, before bed.

 

An intelligent one

Who captivates me

And caches her food

High up in the tree.

 

This one I adore

And hear her every day

I often find her

By the roadside buffet.

©Shadow

Kennings: skull-picker, blood starling= crow

What do you know about her?

Note:  I often use kennings in my poetry.  To help make this poem more understandable, I used the following kennings:

the fire of the sky=sun; swan of blood=raven; Thor’s laughter=thunder; weeping of clouds=rain

What do you know about her?

This one who loves to see

The fire of the sky

In the evening, alone with me.

 

What do you know about her?

The one who is intrigued by

The odd swan of blood

But know not what makes her cry.

 

Tell me what you know

Of what she likes to hear

Thor’s laughter in the distance

Music to the ear.

 

Tell me what you know

Of what she likes to smell

The weeping of clouds

Makes her emerge from her shell.

 

Tell me what you know

About all of her tears

Her lifelong problems

Of tantrums and fears.

 

Do you know this little girl?

Living down below

Deep in the shadows

Still in chains from long ago.

 

Who is this little girl?

Who learned to be an imposter

Never growing up

Still waiting for her well-being to foster.

©Shadow

Sunna Rising

The land is cloaked in darkness

Before yellow-queen is to rise

And as light gives way

Red and gold paint the sky.

 

Greetings to you, dear Sunna

As the gates of darkness fade

Cloud-murk covers hawthorn’s moor

And Mani no more in shade.

 

I turn my face to you

Lady of light

Arise! Arise!

With all of your might!

 

And now in full view

Elves-glory lights the land

Thank you, dear Sunna

For giving life to the seat of man.

 

©Shadow

Defining self

I am struggling to fully understand what my therapist meant by asking me to consider the question: “Who am I when I am not wearing a mask?”  Up to this point in my life, I have primarily defined myself by what I was feeling or what I was doing. So my therapist told me it was more than that and I must dig deeper.  So people are not defined by their behavior? This is confusing.

I even attempted to get the answer by looking up the definition of self in a dictionary.  An individual person as the object of his or her own reflective consciousness.   Or even this: a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality: one’s own self.  The definition is just as vague as the term.

My therapist asked me “Who are you when no one is watching?”  I responded “What am I doing when no one is watching?” That is when she told me I must dig deeper.

I don’t understand.  I have often viewed “self” as some external entity that takes over during my worst states.  Kind of like spirit possession. All of my worst traits dwell there; as well as my worst emotions.  They are like a virus that creep in and infect me when I am vulnerable.

I do not know when I came up with the above idea of self.  But my therapist tells me that is not self. Hmmmm. I am totally baffled then.  How is it not a feeling or behavior? Those things I understand…well, I mostly recognize, at least.

In any case, if anyone out there has a different definition understanding of self that you think might be helpful for me, please share it in the comments.  It would be greatly appreciated.

-Shadow