My adaptation of Psalm 18
I do not know from where my strength comes,
Nor do I know who I love
When I come undone.
I feel as though there are no rocks
beneath my feet
Or any sure foundation to stand upon.
The sorrows of sadness blanket me,
I scream from a place of torment
As I struggle to break free.
No one can see my internal struggles
No, not one.
I have been true to no god
I was not blameless before any of them.
I am not free from guilt.
It is said with the loyal, god will show himself loyal,
With the blameless, he shows himself blameless,
I have been neither.
With the pure, he shows himself pure
But I am crooked and not humble.
There is no one to light my darkness,
And I feel crushed underneath its canopy.
I have no shield,
Nowhere to feel secure.
I am constantly at war with myself
And I grow tired from battle.