A response from Gwennie

Dear Shadow,

Do you remember how hard I tried to fit in?  To just be like everyone else? Even before then I wore that blanket of shame and guilt that he poured onto me like melted plastic.  I know I was unlovable but no one noticed my pain. Even you threw me in a box and tried to bury me alive. You would beat me up on a routine basis.  You screamed at me, disfiguring me with razors, and poisoned me. Are you that afraid of me? I wanted someone to listen to me but you thought you knew better.  Did I deserve this injustice? Am I that evil that someone had to teach me a lesson?

You speak of forgiveness?  I was abandoned and left to rot in all that fear, anger and confusion that drowned me like a flood.  I had a one way ticket to hell. I was helpless and afraid. I couldn’t even speak or stand up for myself.  I know it was my fault that he continued to abuse me for years. I looked up to him and even though I trembled with fear that he would touched me, still I wanted to be around him.  All the while, wanting to stay away but couldn’t.

Do you remember that time when he cared for me?  I was sick…vomiting. He got a cold wash cloth and wiped my forehead.  In that moment I thought he liked me. As soon as I recovered, I realized that believing he really cared was only so he could take care of his own selfish needs.  I knew I was not safe with anyone no matter how much they pretended to like me. All of them are just like him.

So you want forgiveness?  Tell me Shadow, do you think I trust you?

Gwennie

Brother

Where were you, brother,

When he chained me to fear?

You were there the whole time,

Your loyalties made clear.

 

What was the purpose, brother,

Of stripping me bare?

Exposing my naked body,

To those who gloat and stare.

 

Did you enjoy it, brother,

Forcing us all to have sex?

As you stood by and watched,

Yelling “You are up next!”

 

Was it funny, brother,

Grabbing me by my feet?

Flinging me to the ground,

And dragging me across the street.

 

Does it make you feel better, brother,

To tell people how you care for me?

When you both kept me in fetters,

Without a way to ever flee.

 

© Shadow

Ketuvim 4

My adaptation of Psalms 4

No one answered me when I called,

no one relieved me from my distress.

Who will comfort me or hear my prayer?

How long will he keep putting me to shame?

How long will he keep me in these chains?

Know that he has set you apart as a slave for himself

No one will save you from his clutches.

I trembled in his presence,

And when I was on his bed, I was utterly silent.

I was a sacrifice to feed his desires,

And trust became my enemy.

Who will bring me relief from my sorrow?

Where is the light that brings healing?

My heart is filled with dispair

And my body is consumed with fear

When the memories of old abound.

There is no peace when I lay down to sleep,

for I am completely alone

And no where can I dwell in safety.

© Shadow